My blog (30 June 2008)

The first proof to that, what I write touches people's hearts I realized after I wrote Associations A-Z. The issues was written in order to be read by someone on my last birthday, and people said to me that I made them laugh and cry at the same time.

Miriam the social worker said I should do something about it. So Did Efrat the physiotherapist who thought so too and of course my friends but they are suspected in un objectiveness.

For the little operation I had, I wrote what I've been gone through and again I received many compliments from many people.

After the third article, my friend, Itshak, wrote to me: "I realy enjoy your writing. Open a blog of your own, and write in it every day. I'll be happy to read it!"

I didn't know a thing or a half about the blogs, and if my son Barak hadn't open one for me on that day maybe I wouldn't be exposed to it. That's how I began and the rest as they say is history.

Every day I create new record. Around 10 am my body is being placed near the computer and I write all that comes to my mind at the moment, with no pre planning.

I discovered this enormous value of such communication, especially to people in my condition who has no ability to express himself verbally. I have been given a wonderful opportunity to share others with my thoughts, feelings and other things that hassle my mind.

I found out that people interested in what I have to say. Who is waiting every day to see what I've wrote. Not only friends and family, but also strangers, which I didn't had other possibilities to reach to them.

I am following in excitement on my number of entering to my blog.

I started on 5.6.2008 with 40-50 entering a day. After 10 days there was one day that 208 people entered! Again, to see what I've wrote. I couldn't believe my eyes! But nothing prepared me for what had happened yesterday. 731 entering a day. Total 3200 since I started writing.

"It can't be" I said. "It's out of proportions!"

Barak has brought to my attention that a record I wrote was being advised on the first page of Tapuz and people entered to see what it's all about. That explains the 731 enterers!

Wow!!

We'll see how many will come back…

Any way I'm going on as usual.

(Translated by Elinor)

Un usual morning (1 July 2008)

This morning has began like yesterday's morning.

Naina fed me from the "Kangaroo", gabe me my medicine, started my daily massage. Rogi slept after a white night (because of me), when I heard her cell ringing (she adopted Eyal Golan's song "mother" as a rington)

"Rogi is crying?" I asked N. that like me heard un usual voices from their room.

"go check" I said to her.

"She is on the phone, she is crying" N. reported to me.

I panicked. I haven't seen R. crying for a year and a half since she is with me. Something terrible happened if she is crying.

I waited in anticipation for her to come to the room.

R. came, her eyes red, excited.

"I spoke to my mom (in Nepal). There was a fire at my brother's house and his whole house was burned down. Thank god no one from the family got hurt, but the landlord's daughter, a 20 years old girl, was burned to death".

"How this happened?" I asked caught up in her excitement.

"My brother was not at the house at that time" she said "my sister in law took the two youngest children to my parents. The oldest son, 11 year old boy, stayed home with a friend. The children smelled gas from the main tank of the building, the landlord's youngest boy went to check the tank with a lighting candle (!) in his hand and the fire burst into flames.

Since that the tank is near my brother's room the flames caught up in the drapes on the window. The kids were panicked and spill water all over the floor which intensify the flames. My nephew ran, hide in the bathroom and call for help.

Eventually, a 15 year old boy broke the bathroom window and pulled my nephew out".

By the way, her brother's children love Rugi tremendously and she sees them as they were her own.

"Thank god they didn't get hurt! I said to my brother, his only concern should be for the kids. I'll handle the possessions" said in relief.

That wasn't usual morning.

(Translated by Elinor)

The dancer (29 June 2008)

ALS is a disease which I would call: the silent killer.

From that aspect she is like cancer. Moves silently, biting secretly every healthy area. Don't feel a thing! No pain, no burning, no nothing! She progress through the nerves system, affects the muscles. Not on all, but for instance, the intestine muscles won't operate without the swallowing muscles that don't work. They will atrophy not because of the disease but from boredom.

Not that I don't feel pain at all. The muscles are getting shorter and cause enormous pains (massages help for a short time). They are getting shorten regardless to the body's esthetics, and creates odd shapes. On my right foot for example I have a permanent point, and it makes me feel like a ballet dancer. My right foot fingers ordered them selves like the rockers' symbol (Hadas found it out), my left foot got a twist inside and my right hand insist on flipping on her back, in a position of beggar.

Silently, each day a little more, my body is going to it's unknown way, which the end un known.

(Translated by Elinor)

The "Look"

  

At home, I tend to wear clothes that are comfortable for me. Pairs of Training in the winter, and in the summer cotton with lace, in    red, black or blue. On top, cotton shirt in the winter and undershirts without sleeve in the summer. Size 38 40 in the pants, and the shirt is 'small'. Almost always in a unitary color, but sometimes with print. Brassiere I wear only when I go out, because the bracket hurts my back.

 

On Thursday evening, I felt a need to change ambience, and offered to go outside. Not I had any desire, or time (I wanted to see my favorite program in the television at 21:00), to change clothes. I only wanted to take a small 'round' and return. The problem is, that in the area live in, it's not acceptable to go out not finely neat, and of course not without padded bra (beyond a certain age). I was seated in the wheelchair, Naina "ran" to bring my "going out kit", that includes: lipstick, comb, Armani's perfume, in case I will run into someone, who wants to kiss me. They put on my ultimate shoes, that they are wintery slippers, in the color Bordeaux, Colored with pink lipstick, a great amount of the expansive perfume was sprayed on both sizes, the look was almost perfect, except the lack of a brassiere. "Not mind the clothes ", they will think, "She is sick, so she's out of the contest, but without bra? - that   is too much!"  "Bring me a scarf ", I asked, so I could cover my "front". They searched something suitable, and found a scarf of velvet is blue, posh, and lay it on my neck. The truth, it was a little hot in the end of June, who cares. The important thing is :we got out!

 

If one evening you will be "sailing" your posh cars to the restaurant, concert or the theatre, dressed according to last fashion, wearing the finest jewelry, look outside the window. If you will see two foreign workers push a dressed peculiar woman, seated in a wheelchair, give up the air conditioner for a short moment, open your window, wave us hello, and SMILE. J

 

Translated by: Shell.

Who's got the longer one?

 

I 'went` to rest in the afternoon in the living room. My two "daughters" arrived, smiling at me.

"What happened?" I was interested " Naina asked me ", answered Rog`i, " if my "god" is as long as her god ", and pointed on their necklaces.

Naina, the Catholic, wears a cross, on a long bead necklace. She believes that god directs all her actions, and you have to receive everything in the love.  She marries a prayer every evening before the sleep and crossed.

Rog`i belongs to the Hindi religion and wears a chain that received from her friend.  On the pendant of image of full person with a long nose. This is the "intelligence god", by name: Ganesh, and by both its two sides, acorns by name: Rudrakshya that their role to influence the person that comes in contact with you, to think positive.

"I told her, that her is standing, and mine is sitting, that's why her god is longer" said R' laughing.

"And I think, mine went to rest and fell asleep while guarding me, that’s why my necklace is so short, even invisible!"

 I laughed, joining the joke.

 

(Shell, in the name of Shosh Zeevi)

Grownups don't cry

Tom is asking me: "grandma, when will you get better?"

I elevate my shoulders and taking them down, making a "don't know" face

"When will you get better?!" he makes it even harder. I'm answering, again, the same way.

"But you WILL get better, Right?"

At this point my feelings cant handle the pressure, and the tears start dripping out.

Turns to Gail:

"Mom, why is grandma crying?"

"Maybe she remembered something sad, Go make her happy!"

Gogi Is leaving the computer for a second, lay supine on the floor and making bicycle movements while making sounds

Toms shows with a red baseball cup, Rogi's and start dancing

I'm melting … and laughing.

"But , why did grandma cry?" Tom again.

"Grownups usually don't cry?!" he indicates from his own experience.

בהצלחה עם הבלוג מקווה שעזרתי,

של (פרפרזה המחודשת)

Getting Out

Last night I felt like getting out. I'm home most of the time, because just thinking of all the preparations takes all the fun out if it. It's so much easier to stay in the cozy nest.

Chilly breeze blew from the sea and I suggested the girls to take a walk outside. R. was not too enthusiastic and suggested the balcony instead, but I insisted.

I'll spare you all the tiresome arrangements.

We left the house. "Where to?" R. asked.

I didn't want to meet no one so we headed west, where there are no shops.

"Back home, in India, you can't walk the street without encountering people", said N. "you actually have to work your way with your elbows".

R. spoke about the changes that occurred in Nepal. Though she hates politics and politicians, still she didn't like watching the king vacating the palace, after two centuries of monarchy. She said she's concerned about the new regime. And no, she's not sure what a republic is.

She said that the youngsters leave Nepal to work abroad. One works, supporting ten others who stay at home. "How can a country flourish this way?" She says. "If I were the president, I'd forbid them to leave".

So just like that, me and these two young women, who arrived from far away places which were nothing but spots on the globe for me, two women who now call me "mom", took a walk and discussed matters of the hours.

Maybe we'll do it again today.

 

 

Translation: Danna Paz Prins